I am faced with a situation so sticky I wonder what got me into it in the first place. Nothing. I did nothing really. Somehow, people, places and events that you thought you have succeeded in burying 6 feet underground come to resurface and bite you in the A.

You could choose to ignore and let it pass and then you’ll be left thinking each night numerous WHAT IFs. That sucks! I hate having to go through a series of counterfactual thoughts. These mental trickeries that you have to do to your self, do not really achieve much. You know which part of the story you invented; glossed truths and half-truths and; which areas really hurt.

My dilemma is this: A friend is getting married to someone in the family… and I do not want to go back to my hometown. Right now, I can give you a hundred reasons why I don’t want to go and another hundred why I should.

Crazy baggage that I just can’t seem to leave, eh? For now, I do not want to go.

I had to visit the doctor for my recurring cough. Her initial finding: post nasal drip is causing your cough. My rhinitis is making me gaggle therefore I cough. Anyway, she asked me to have my chest X-rayed just to err on the safe side. Makes me wonder how doctors have come to treat X-ray like a routine diagnostic tool.

They’ll hand out the result tomorrow and so I shall wait in limbo for now. Nothing I can do about it. I want to think that I feel great but I don’t. I can barely breathe at night and I keep having this headaches. I won’t be surprised if I infect everyone at home.

I have been having these perennial COLDS all my life. It’s the one thing that keeps me from keeping house – I cannot sweep the floor, fold the sheets and laundry without sneezing. Our family doctor said that I inherited it from my family. He even named all my cousins, uncles and aunts who have the same debility as I do… with the idea of comforting me with the fact that I do not suffer alone but with the rest of the family. And now my kids are showing the same sign. Oh-uh!

Above is the new look that I am planning to implement soon. I will be getting myself a domain name and then set some people to work on creating a dbase, blah, blah, blah!

Shattered
- Cranberries, Bury the Hatchet

I’m trying to control myself
So please don’t stand in my way
I’ve waited for the longest time
This is what I wanted in my way

Move over, move over
There’s a climax coming in my way
Move over, move over
There’s a climax coming in my way

I don’t like you, don’t compromise
Shattered by your weakness
Shattered by your smile
And I’m not very fond of you, and your lies
Shattered by your weaknesses
Shattered by your smile

All the kids are going back to school
The summer’s over it’s the golden rule

And now I’m coming out to play
So please don’t stand in my way
And all the things that seemed once to be
So important to me
Seem so trivial now that I can see

Move over, move over
There’s a climax coming my way….

I don’t like you, don’t compromise
Shattered by your weakness
Shattered by your smile
And I’m not very fond of you, and your lies
Shattered by your weaknesses
Shattered by your smile

Please don’t stand in my way

______________________
The songs that play repeatedly in my psychotic head do not necessarily reflect my inner state of mental unwellness. I seriously feel well today.

I think of our site launch as similar to the scene at NASA when they do rocket launch minus the physical hazards, unless my boss would succeed in throwing me from the balcony. Of course I exaggerate but trust me the excitement and anxiety are all the same.

The design phase is easy. The creative team has all the juices in all the artistic world to come up with designs so great they literally and figuratively knock our clients’ socks off. But come the coding phase, the same artists are kicking themselves for their designs’ complexity and the impossibility of converting them into html. Lessons are always learned the hard way.

The programmers who do the main events: shopping carts, content management systems, WYSIWYG editors, database, have it easy – from my point of view that is. They don’t really get down and dirty unless there’s a flash movie that needs to interact with the rest of the site. And have I mentioned really nasty clients? Clients who ask for this and that and after 3 days, decides against their wishes and whims? How about the kind that goes berserk at the end of the project because the feature that they so desire have eaten up so much cost that you could fund a guerilla army down in Mindanao with the money.

So what is my role? I think I am the one that sweeps the runway clean of debris and other possible materials that lie dormant on the tarmac but are sure causes of disasters. And to feed my EGO, I’ll say this out loud: I FUEL THE ENGINE. Don’t ask me why? It would take a bottle of Vodka to refuel my brain.

The HIGHS of this job are high and LOWS are really low but in the end, it’s worth my while. I am enjoying this a lot… the same way that I would a rocket ship ride to the moon.